Waaagh! Waaagh! Never changes!
Orruks crump best as all youz humie flesh bagz know! I ‘ere people been sayin’ dem Khorne boyz iz better but they’re all wrong! We’re mean. We’re green. We’re also painted red to go fasta!! This time we showed up at one of dem fancy Games Workshops, specifically Games Workshop Banbury.
Now last time we were on da field we got krumped by some girly Reaver humiez but that won’t happen again! Me and ma boyz are improved and got more of dem lethal hexes to keep us going! Don’t worry ya selves ya stinkin’ flesh bags, I still gotz dem shiny deck listz y’all love.
Written on some kinda magical window thingy, it’z pretty clear. Even to a Orruk! Good Scrap and Too Dumb Too Die are good old Green Skin staplez (drop these, never run them again, they were never scored). Call of the Waaagh (WAAAGH!)! Is what ya love. Plus screamin’ it too is da best. Heroes All is there because now us Orruks will get all shiny and inspired like even when against cowardly foes.
Ghoulish Pact is perfect for a Orruk like me. A boy takez a crumpin’ then getz a shiny thing-a-mo-whatz to go crumpin’ better. I can even crump myself to use it! Shattering Terrain iz an old favourite too. We Orruks love running through rockz un stuff, it’z even better when ya push ya target through it too! Tainted Vitality is a sneaky tactic that those runty Grotz like to say they told me but it’z an Orruk staple! Hurt yaself then heal while laughing. Also Aggressive Defence because defending ain’t something us Orruks do.
Crush and Cleave is perfect for a Orruk like me. Who cares about dodgey boyz when ya cleavin’ dem gold boyz in two (or 3 for those Orruks with more than 1 weapon). As Gurzag, Unkillable is da best cauze I am. Hakka and Basha get Brutal Frenzy cause sometimez those gitz need to pull their weight, lazy sodz. All the other stuff is to make us move fasta or hit really ‘ard.
Also ‘ere is dis wordy symbol thingy:
Dis waz against Michael and his sneaky Tzeentch. Dem Eyez boyz don’t know what a good crumpin’ is like so it was time to show dem! Winning boardz da Tzeentch put down the Penitent’s Throne so I placed the Katophrane’s Reliquary as a Wide configuration. Ain’t no need for me to put a lethal board when the opponent doez it for me (important to remember fellow Green Skins)!
Deployin’ first, I let dem Tzeentch go first cause I’m kind. It started a bit slow-like but then Basha charged through a lethal hex like a true lad at Turosh. With critz and fury, he bashed him in good for a Strong Start. Bonekutta sneaked over with Hidden Paths and used Ghoulish Pact to get an upgrade but Narvia sneaked away too! I had to use Tainted Vitality so that birdy boy (K’Carik) couldn’t crump a lad.
In round 2, Basha charged into magical birdy boy (Vortemis) and hit ‘im good like, finishin’ ‘im off by pushing that Tzeentchy fella into a lethal hex. Basha failed killing Narvia cause he’s a useless git so I charged in and killed K’Charik wit two gud smashes. Hakka, inspired by all the combat, hakked down Narvia.
Phase 3 had me kill that Blue Horror only for it to turn into a weedly little Brimstone, dat then killed me. Wotz. He even killed Basha before dying! Ya useless gitz. Stillz, it ended with an 11/4 win to da ORRUKS!
Next it woz da turn of Tzeentch. Again?? Ah wotzeva. Dis time they were lead by a chap called Barney. I won da boards again, placed Wide with ma Penitent’s Throne.
Phase 1 was pretty stale with me gitz only able to get a single kill so we were both on 4 glory at the bottom of 1.
Phase 2 had me sneakily charge in all Mork like and kill dat birdy boy (Vortemis) with Twist da (the) Knife and scorin’ me Victorious Duel! Bonekutta then made gud use of ‘is axe and sliced dat other birdy boy (K’Charik) in two.
Phase 3 had Basha make up for his past mistakes and bashed dat Narvia up all good like. Da horror didn’t do too much dis time before dying so da green boyz managed to secure a 15/6 win.
It woz all spooky like as we faced dem ghosts led by Richard. Losing boards it woz Long configuration with me puttin’ da Ruptured Seal first.
The Cursed Oubliette
Losin’ priority, da ghosts all moved away. Instead, the ladz all ran into lethal hexes while inspiring to score Heroes All and Shining Example. Phase 2 had me winnin’ priority and charging in, cutting down some ghosts. Bonekutta then charged in, killing before any more could run away. Da phase ended with da inspirin’ Greenskin leader on 1 wound.
In phase 3, we lost priority and da Ever-Hanged swung only to be denied by Unkillable. I hit back and smashed dat ghosty boy. Another Chainrasp hit only to be denied by a crit. Den that ghost died too. Finally I died only for Bonekutta to kill Varclav. Da Briar Queen tried hitting back but failed. I spent the last activation swapping an Objective and kunningly drew Ploymaster. In da end, Orruks won 13/12. Crits can overcome long boards all da time!
Dis time it wuz runty ratz ran by Lee. Winnin’ deployment, he placed da Shattered Tower first.
The Shattered Tower
The Ruptured Seal
Going first Basha charged into Krrk but failed, da git. In return Krrk hit back for 2 damage. I den charged Hungering Skaven, rippin’ da rat apart for Strong Start. Playing Tainted Vitality, Krrk knocked da now 3 wound Basha to 1. Bonekutta den charged to score Call of the Waaagh! (WAAAGH!) and killin’ another rat. Basha died but Hakka sneaked in with Hidden Paths and Daemonic Weapon thanks to Ghoulish Pact but missed.
Phase 2 had me start by charging in and killing Lurking Skaven thanks to support from Bonekutta who then charged Skirtch with Leading By Example but failed to kill da rat boss. Hakka charged but missed and Bonekutta wuz den killed as I cycled cards.
For phase 3 Hakka went on guard den charged to score Change of Tactics. Killing 2 newly resurrected clan rats, da game ended 14/12 to da Orruks thanks to Superior Tactician and Hero’s Mantle.
Nearin’ da end it wuz time for a showdown with dem red Fiends led by Alister. Winnin’ boards I placed da Arcane Nexus in response Wide-on.
The Shattered Tower
The Arcane Nexus
Losing priority, Riptooth charged Hakka den teleported away with Illusory Fighter. Basha then took a charge from Ghartok and survived undamaged but then was charged by Zharkus. I charged in but somehow missed. Wot.
Phase 2 was were it all ‘appened. With glory at 1/0 to me I took 2 damage from Zharkus. Hitting back, I was gonna kill fer sure. If not for being killed by my own choppa with Rebound.
Phase 3 had da rest of da ladz die, at least taking one of dem spikey boyz with ’em. Da Khorne Fiends won 6/3. It woz da deadly “aggro deadlock”. Whoeva charged first would lose but us Orruks was gonna win if it weren’t fer dat meddlin’ Rebound (and good positioning and play AND a 60 card deck!)!
Finally it wuz da end and it waz dem sneaky skelly bois led by Kelvin. Losing boards, I placed da Cursed Oubliette. It ended Diagonal but only by 1 hex.
The Ruptured Seal
The Cursed Oubliette
Phase 1 had a lot of fightin’. After drawing cards, Basha charged into a lethal hex with Mighty Swing. Attacking the dusty fella (Prince of Dust) resulted in just being bashed back with no damage, da scythe fella (Harvester) took 2 crits to da face with a Twist the Basha (Knife) to kill ‘im. Da phase ended wit me chargin’ into da Champion and missin’. Bah. Thanks to Ready for Action, I killed him good.
For phase 2 I embodied Mork and charged da Warden. Thanks to Glory Seeker, he was dead. Bonekutta then cut up da champion again. Phase 3 turned into a mop-up as now the ladz were rolling strong. I managed to survive an attack from the last remainin’ skelly boi to close it out 13/5.
Da final was all tense like due to 3 of us all bein’ on 5 wins and a loss. Fanks to last minute glory calculations, da Ironskull’s Boyz won by havin’ da highest glory differential!
WAAAGHat a wonderful event. We crumped a lot of gitz and had tonz of fun too! Da players der are tough but a right laugh. Plus one of da best TOs and store managers I’ve eva met, he ran da event like a true pro. Games Workshop Banbury iz were it’z at. Check it out unless you’re a useless git!
So until ya learn how ta roll dem small dice thingies into crits, good day to you all from the eloquent Orruk.